Not Me! Monday

I am joining in on MckMama's Not Me! Monday again this week. Really, I shouldn't ever pass up this great chance to confess deny all sorts of things...

I DID NOT threaten to kidnap an adorable little baby dressed in a Santa outfit at my students holiday program! I did NOT stare at that baby's precious little face on and off throughout the entire program. My very sweet co-worker did NOT offer to help distract people so that I could sneak her out. (For the record, I did decide to leave her with her Mama. It is Christmas after all and I do NOT want to be on Santa's naughty list!)

I did NOT have severe word vomit the other day and tell a friend at work that she is NOT allowed to CUT in front of me. I also did NOT tell her I was buying her a box of condoms for Christmas. I did NOT then decide that it would be a waste of money, since they would probably remain unopened. Who says things like that?! I certainly do NOT so it couldn't have been me.

When I went to a Japanese steak house last night for my brother-in-law's birthday dinner, I did NOT decide to have a Mai Tai. I did NOT look to the stranger next to me, notice her stretching back then rubbing her pregnant belly, and have to stop myself from glaring at her! NEVER! I also did NOT take a nice long sip of my Mai Tai and Thank God I had decided to order it after all!

I did NOT get ridiculously excited over a 2 hour delay for FOG today! NOPE! I was disappointed to not have my kids bopping into my room at 7:45 like usual! I did NOT get stuck behind a car that felt the need to crawl drive 20 UNDER the speed limit on a two-lane road. And even if I HAD I would NEVER sarcastically sweet talk the driver! I wouldn't say things like "C'mon sweetie!" "Alright Honey Pie! We can go a little faster then this." "Do we really need to go this slow??? Maybe we do. Okay. sigh....." That would be just CORNY and besides he/she couldn't even hear me, so I wouldn't be silly enough to do such a thing!

(Does anyone else call slow drivers sweet names to coax them to speed up? Is that a Southern thing? Or a "me" thing?)