Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I've always loved Israel Kamakawiwoʻole's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.  This song especially had an impact on me while going through infertility.  I knew that somewhere over the rainbow my dreams would come true.  I knew that I would be a mother, someday, somehow.  There were many times I would stumble onto a friends myspace page or blog and immediately mute the music on the page.  Some of the songs that would stream through my speakers were just too painful to listen to.  But this song was different.  It was full of hope, which at times...I lacked completely.  I was listening to Pandora radio in my car a few weeks ago and Iz's voice began singing these lyrics.  And it hit me...I am finally over the rainbow.  I hear bluebirds and the dark clouds that not so long ago felt like they were permanently fixated above my head, have since moved on.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby 

Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true 

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I?

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world 

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I?

Thankful

After struggling with infertility for 2 1/2 years, I am so thankful to be pregnant now. I know that if I had gotten pregnant right away, I would be happy. I would be excited. I would have fun feeling the baby move, shopping, getting the nursery together, etc. But I wouldn't have been as appreciative as I am. I had forgotten what it feels like to be truly happy. I had moments where I was happy. I wasn't miserable all the time. But there was ALWAYS something missing. There was always heartache hiding underneath it all. Not a single day goes by that I do not thank God for this miracle. When Caleb is moving, I just put my hand on my belly and smile. I am happy again. And happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I think about others that are still struggling with infertility and pray for them often. I know that that hurt is different from any other hurt. There have been many moments that have reminded me just how lucky I am to finally be where I am now.

This Mother's Day was so special for me. We started trying to get pregnant around Mother's Day 2007. So in 2007, my thoughts I'm sure circled around the fact that I would be a mom by the next Mother's Day. By May 2008, we were seeing an RE and I was most definitely not a mother yet. By May 2009, I had experienced a loss, been through lots of testing, a surgery, and 2 unsuccessful IUIs. Mother's Day was not easy. My friend Christina gave me a card and an infertility pin and it meant so much to me. I don't think that most people even think about those going through infertility on Mother's Day. We are after all, not mothers yet. But this Mother's Day was different. Finally. Three years after dreaming of becoming a Mama. We went to Chris' uncle's cabin in the mountains. I woke up warm and snugly and stared out at the amazing mountain view and felt Caleb kicking...reminding me that this Mother's Day was different. That although some may not consider me a Mother yet, I am. I felt so thankful that morning. Chris got me a Willow Tree figurine and the sweetest card with the sweetest note inside.

23 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant and I could not be happier.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I have NOT sent my hubby to CVS three times in the past week.  Nope!  I have also NOT been laying on the couch whining about not feeling well.  My husband did NOT bring me back an ear thermometer when I asked for a "surpie" (surprise) from CVS in addition to my kleenex and cough drops.  (We will need to have a conversation about what a surpie is soon so that he does not highly disappoint Caleb one day.)  He has not since checked my temperature religiously like a Temperature Nazi.  He is NOT pulling up right now from trip #3 (or is it 4?).

After a pretty stinkin' terrible Thursday with my students, I did NOT have a "Silence is Golden" day Friday after I decided that I was going to have a good day Friday since they had so much fun Thursday!  My little angels did NOT ask why they were having Silence is Golden and they totally learned their lesson!

Finally

I know I am late updating this! But here are the words I've been dying to say for almost 3 years now:

I'm pregnant!

On December 15th, about 2 weeks before we were scheduled to begin injections for IVF, I got a positive home pregnancy test.  I was cautiously optimistic in the beginning.  Having experienced a loss and a whole lot of heartache it was hard to believe that our time had finally come (it's still hard to believe).

I got through the first trimester (the usual nausea, vomiting, constipation, and a whole lot of nervousness) and began to breathe a little easier.  I now believe that I'm having a baby (and dream of meeting him often).
We found out last week that we're having a boy!  His name is Caleb Patrick.  We love him already!  He wiggled throughout the whole ultrasound and I love watching it (our doctor's office gives a DVD of the ultrasound and I've watched a few times already).  I am feeling Caleb move more and more and can't wait for Chris to feel him too!  He has found his  first toy-my bladder!  I love when I feel those strong kicks (or punches?) to the bladder.  It reminds me that he is in there and growing strong!

We used our IVF fund to buy furniture.  I came home from work one day and heard the vacuum running.  Chris had put together all the nursery furniture.  I was so overwhelmed.  I've been dreaming about this room for so long!  I sat in the glider and rocked and cried.  I'm so thankful that I am where I am right now-awaiting the arrival of our baby boy.  I am cherishing every moment.  Thank you so much to all of you who hve been there for me through the ups and downs!  I love you and it means more then you will ever know!

I will try to update more often! 

Not Me Monday!

Wow, I haven't posted in quite a while! What better time to come back then on a MONDAY! A No-School, Snowy Day, in my PJ's still Monday at that! Hop on over to MckMama's blog to join in today.

I did NOT check the local news channel on and off all day yesterday to see if school would be canceled today! No way! I did NOT squeal with excitement when I got an e-mail on my phone that school was indeed canceled and pass the message on to my co-workers (who were also totally bummed out for the excuse to stay inside and be lazy for one more day). I am NOT still watching TV and playing around on the computer rather then finishing up report cards! NO! They are absolutely finished, folded, and stuffed into envelopes!

There is NO reason at all for my absence from this blog. Nope! I've just been busy. ;)

Not Me! Monday

I am joining in on MckMama's Not Me! Monday again this week. Really, I shouldn't ever pass up this great chance to confess deny all sorts of things...

I DID NOT threaten to kidnap an adorable little baby dressed in a Santa outfit at my students holiday program! I did NOT stare at that baby's precious little face on and off throughout the entire program. My very sweet co-worker did NOT offer to help distract people so that I could sneak her out. (For the record, I did decide to leave her with her Mama. It is Christmas after all and I do NOT want to be on Santa's naughty list!)

I did NOT have severe word vomit the other day and tell a friend at work that she is NOT allowed to CUT in front of me. I also did NOT tell her I was buying her a box of condoms for Christmas. I did NOT then decide that it would be a waste of money, since they would probably remain unopened. Who says things like that?! I certainly do NOT so it couldn't have been me.

When I went to a Japanese steak house last night for my brother-in-law's birthday dinner, I did NOT decide to have a Mai Tai. I did NOT look to the stranger next to me, notice her stretching back then rubbing her pregnant belly, and have to stop myself from glaring at her! NEVER! I also did NOT take a nice long sip of my Mai Tai and Thank God I had decided to order it after all!

I did NOT get ridiculously excited over a 2 hour delay for FOG today! NOPE! I was disappointed to not have my kids bopping into my room at 7:45 like usual! I did NOT get stuck behind a car that felt the need to crawl drive 20 UNDER the speed limit on a two-lane road. And even if I HAD I would NEVER sarcastically sweet talk the driver! I wouldn't say things like "C'mon sweetie!" "Alright Honey Pie! We can go a little faster then this." "Do we really need to go this slow??? Maybe we do. Okay. sigh....." That would be just CORNY and besides he/she couldn't even hear me, so I wouldn't be silly enough to do such a thing!

(Does anyone else call slow drivers sweet names to coax them to speed up? Is that a Southern thing? Or a "me" thing?)