Anxiety

I have a confession.  I am scared out of my mind about IVF.  I'm worried about taking time off work (hopefully I will only have to take off 2-3 days and several days of just an hour or two of petty leave, but who knows...).  I'm worried about all the injections.  Both the injections themselves and how they are going to make me feel.  I'm especially worried about the progesterone injections which are intramuscular.  I'm worried about OHSS and having to cancel my cycle.  I'm worried about the egg retrieval.  I'm worried about the transfer.  I'm worried about if/how many embryos will be frozen.  I'm nervous about the insane amount of money we are spending.

But above all else.......I'm worried that it won't work.  I am absolutely terrified that I will put everything I have into this physically, emotionally, and mentally (not to mention financially) and then be kicked when I'm at my lowest.  I am so worried that I will get the phone call that says, "I'm sorry.   You are not pregnant."  I can't even put into words how anxious and terrified I am.

I have another confession.  I feel so all alone.  I wish I could find a local support group for people going through IVF.  I want someone to understand my fears and not brush them off or make me feel like they are irrational.  So many people have told me, "Stay postive!" "It's going to work!"  Wow.  Really?  I know I need to have faith.  I know that I should stay optimistic.  But also know that I need to protect myself.  I know that I need to accept that this is a CHANCE (and a good one!) but it is just that.  A CHANCE.  There is a chance that it will not work.  This is not a guarantee.  That is hard to swallow.

Just needed to get that off my chest.